A few years ago, I was gut-punched by someone I love when she said something awful to me and about me in public. I was so stunned, I could only turn and walk away—quickly, so that nobody could see the hot tears that immediately followed.

What had I done to deserve such a verbal attack? How dare she? What makes her think… All these thoughts ran through my mind repeatedly over the next few days as I nursed the hurt. That’s what Pain does—it keeps feeding upon itself, growing ever larger and making us feel worse and worse.

To be honest, I was in conflict. While part of me wanted to forgive her and repair the damaged relationship, another part of me (the one I don’t like admitting I have) wanted to punish her with the perfect zinger the next time I saw her.

As I sat in meditation over the next few days, I tried to feel Forgiveness. I attempted to “fake it ‘til I could make it,” but Forgiveness was elusive. I kept thinking “forgive her, forgive her,” but my heart was hardened to letting it go.

Then, on the third day of holding this resentment, I took a new approach. Instead of trying so hard to feel the emotion of forgiving, I focused on my gratitude for the ability to forgive. “I am so grateful that I am able to choose Forgiveness,” I repeated over and over. Even though I wasn’t feeling it, I could be grateful that I had the capacity to forgive. I knew that eventually, I would forgive her, and we could move into a rebuilding phase.

As I recited that mantra, I began to feel my heart softening to the Gratitude I truly do feel for the ability to forgive. Then, as I allowed that softening to wash over me, I felt the embers of Forgiveness igniting a sense of love and compassion for the one who had wronged me. I could talk with her about why her words had hurt me, but they no longer hurt me. By choosing to focus on Gratitude, I had allowed Forgiveness into my heart. Maybe it came in through a back door, but it was there.

I truly believe that Gratitude is a conscious choice.

I’ve witnessed this most meaningfully as I have sat with several people as they died. Those who chose to live with joy and gratitude continued to express and spread joy and gratitude until their final breath. The patterns they had worn throughout their lives allowed them approach the end of life with grace. 

So that’s what I want. I want to die well—of course, not for a really, really long time—but when I enter my final days, I want my feet to fall upon the familiar path of Joy and Gratitude. And that means that I must live that way now.

Before going to bed each night, I choose to look back at the day and find at least one thing for which I am grateful, and then write it in my journal. It may be the smallest of things, like finding something I’d lost or someone allowing me to go first in traffic. Or it may be the caring and support of a friend or family member. Whatever it is, however large or small, I write it down, because Gratitude matters.

I have been sending out prompts each day on social media to allow you, Dear Reader, to begin or continue a practice of Gratitude. Some of you have been kind enough to share your thoughts by commenting on the prompts. I hope that you are also keeping a Gratitude Journal—an actual paper journal to which you can return again and again. I hope that after this month has passed, you’ll continue your practice.

I ask you, Dear Reader, to share with me and others: How’s the Gratitude Practice going? Is it hard for you? What’s challenging? Please take a moment to comment below. I thank you in advance for sharing your heart. 

Until next time,