After writing “Body of Evidence,” I engaged in several conversations with women who are close to me, and the feedback was inspiring: “I wish I had know that you carried all that.” “I didn’t know that you were hurting.” “What could I have done to make it better?”

I sat with all of this with my teacher. Why had I decided to be vulnerable and share all that I shared? Was it too much?

As I sat quietly, eyes closed and breathing deeply, I saw a vision of bubbles on the ocean, and I knew why I had shared my story.

All of us are bubbles in an ocean. Each of us has our own unique experiences that form the core of our bubble—all the stories we make up about our grief, shame, and pain. We can float around an entire lifetime adding to that bubble, building thicker and thicker walls to protect ourselves from feeling the hurt. And because we’re in a bubble, we can’t see clearly into the hearts of others. We can’t know that they have their own stories.

From within our bubbles, we have a choice.

We can contract around our stories in an effort to protect them from being seen. This is what Shame wants us to do. It convinces us that we are the “only one” so that we will hide it away. But contracting around our stories makes us smaller. It hardens us. Small and hard, we sink like rocks in that ocean.

Alternatively, we can open up. For a moment, it seems as if opening up will destroy us—what will become of Self if the bubble is opened? Fear of losing Self may cause us to grasp, but all we find is seawater that runs from our grip. The thing to do now is to take a deep breath, soften, open up, and float.

We take in light and air, and as we do so, we expand. The body of water flows around us and through us, and we realize that we all float in the same waters. We are made of that water—our hearts are 73% water, our lungs 83% water. Water connects us all, flows through us all. Every human heart has experienced pain and shame. It is the water that connects us. 

Once we are open and soft, when we make space for Vulnerability, we see that we are also connected by Joy and Love. Shame casts a shadow between us and the beautiful light of Joy and Love, but when we choose to bring Shame out from its hiding place it evaporates, because it cannot survive in the open. Joy and Love were there all along, connecting us with every other human heart.

Sharing our stories shines a light on them so they can no longer dictate from the depths. Ultimately, your story doesn’t separate you, though Shame wants you to think it does. Shame convinces you that you’re alone so it can survive. But know this: your story CONNECTS you to others. Sharing your story opens your heart so that Love and Joy can flourish there.

Until next time,